There’s a good chance you’re currently in the same boat (let’s call it the USS Senderson) as many of us are. It’s a fairly massive boat, which makes it difficult to see who else is on it, but we’re sure you’re there somewhere. This is the boat of individuals who will soon be huddled around a decorative tree, but have yet to nail down the perfect gifts to go beneath said tree. Gifts that show we’re perceptive to the needs of our fellow trail buddies and know exactly what’s on their trail slaying wish list. So let’s get off this boat, because while the USS Senderson is an excellent vessel, we miss dirt and are itchin’ for dry land, where the trails are tacky, cold beers are bountiful, sendage is mandatory and high-fives are aplenty.
For those in your life who don’t ride a mountain bike, easy, get them one or shame them into getting one. Otherwise, go with the latest in rotary razor technology with the Norelco Shaver 6100, for a shave that’s not quite smooth, but will pass for presentable. The tried-and-true Christmas gift. No need for a razor? How about a new pair of tearaway sweats, the new craze in activewear, soon to be found taking over nearby piano lessons. However, those who take to the trail with you will be expecting you to show up to Christmas morning with your present game strong. Here they are, gift ideas for the Angelina Gnarlie or Brad Pitted in your life.
Rad VHS
You’ve seen it (right?), loved it and based your childhood dreams and expectations upon it. Though it has not been digital remastered to DVD, the intro credits, set to John Farnham’s “Break the Ice”, can remain your pre-ride motivation for years to come with this VHS screening copy, discovered in the closet of a local high school AV Club. Care to follow the Hell Track commentators in English, but read the cover in Hebrew? This rare edition is a perfectly appropriate late Hanukkah gift to extend a fellow ripper’s holiday season.
Retrofitz
Winter is in full effect around most of the country and while we’ve scroll through many gear guides aimed at battling the cold, they’re all lacking something crucial. Winter cycling shoes are great for the casual spin, but the rough and rugged need something to match their masochistic need to pedal through whiteouts and conquer frozen tundra, through dark eyes and icy beards. We’re talking boots. Real boots with supa high tops and hefty soles, without understating the importance of proper fashion. Unfortunately, such boots do not currently come with cleat inserts. Luckily, Retrofitz has the solution for such riders with more brawn than brain. For the wayfaring adventurer with an excess of juice, we suggest attaching the cleat inserts to some original Timbs. For those who rip around with a bit more pizzazz (the razzle and dazzlers of the pack), we suggest these metallic sole shakers.
Sugar Free Gummy Bears
For those blissfully long days in your WTB Volt saddle where any combination of bars and gels simply won’t cut it. These are for the nutritionally conscious and self-aware gummy bear enthusiast who desires all the flavor, without the crash of natural sugars. Deliciousness aside, reviewers of such treats seem to have found a secondary selling point of these tasty snacks. We highly encourage you to read the buyer reviews. One begins “I didn't feel the need to plan my weekend around 5 small gummy bears. But if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”
B is for Bicycles
There’s a good chance all your child needs is a push bike and a set of cones to be hooked on riding all day. However, at the end of the day, as you open up your favorite mountain bike magazine and relax, your young shredder will also be looking to chase his idols through a handful of vibrant pages. B is for Bicycles is packed full of banger shots as you witness a dog endlessly endurolize from one page to the next. Similar to researching components, be sure to read this review before buying. They’re rolling off the shelves, so make sure you have your local bike shop order you one through QBP...yesterday.
Deer Whistle
Nobody can confirm their effectiveness, yet they’ve been stuck to the grill of the family station wagon for decades. It’s about time we, as mountain bikers, also became more aware of critters out on the trail. While the idea is still fairly new, it’s only a matter of time before anodized CNC aluminum handlebar, fork, seatpost, helmet, chain stay and wrist mounts become available to ensure the whistle is located in an area of optimal air flow. In a matter of years, they’ll be integrated into the head tube of every bike on the shop floor, but don’t be at the mercy of a local buck in the meantime. It may not be aero, but it will save lives.
Soda can(s)
Recently named “The Hammer” by your riding buddies? Tired of pedaling? Looking to twist some throttle instead? Dirt bikes are expensive, but soda is cheap. Take a knee, crack one open, ride the surge of energy, then place that can where it belongs…smashed between your front tire and fork. Instant vroom vroom, without all the danger and added greenhouse effects. With names like Sprint and Crash, you’ll be faster and sending harder than the rest. You’d be hard pressed to beat 72 sessions of pseudo throttle therapy for $15.80.
Heated Grips
Gnar shredders of the world gathered one warm summer day and realized their steeze would be doubled with the absence of gloves, yet quickly discovered one of the many inconveniences of their decision. Winter came, and with it, similarly steezey hands that were too cold to utilize all the extra grippage. Enter, heated grips. Being innovators at the forefront of product development, we look forward to building upon this idea and introducing the first purpose-built, heated saddle, the WTB Ignitor. WTB's faux heated saddle gives all the benefits of wetting oneself - warm, relief from the cold and ability to mimic Dumb and Dumber, without the unwanted side effects of Dumb and Dumber (reference here).
Countless WTB Products All Under $100!
We understand there’s a possibility none of these gift ideas resonate with a certain loved one in your life. That’s all right, as we all have different tastes. This list may not have had all the answers to your current state of Christmas shopping distress, but we’ve stumbled across another list that we personally guarantee will include the perfect gift for the trail enthusiast in your family. Tires, saddles and rims, all under $100. How about free shipping? You got it! Use promo code: FREESHIP15. Stay shreddy out there! Happy Holidays!
